Expected & Unexpected Behaviors... What's It All About??

Michelle Garcia Winner is a Speech-Language Pathologist who coined the term "Social Thinking". Social Thinking is the core tenet of what I teach in the SCORES program. It is more than teaching explicit social skills (even though that is important as well). It is about teaching deeper. Teaching WHY certain behaviors create particular feelings and thoughts in others. It is about teaching that social interaction is reciprocal.

One of the core terms we use are "Expected" and "Unexpected". These do not connote good or bad, appropriate or inappropriate. They simply identify what types of behaviors are expected in various situations and how engaging in expected behavior creates calm, positive feelings in others. For example, talking to my coworkers in the middle of a faculty meeting would be unexpected. Dr. Pena would not have calm feelings and would react negatively to me. However, talking to my coworkers at an afterschool get together is expected and would create positive feelings in my coworkers. The same behavior can be viewed differently based upon context.

So, how do you use this at home? You embed it into every day life. You verbally observe and take note with your child of what is expected in various situations. You verbally observe and take note if you notice someone not engaging in expected behavior. You ask your child to observe and take note independently. You help your child connect the dots between behavior and the feelings/thoughts it creates in others. You look at it from the perspective of educating your child about what is expected instead of reprimanding them after the fact.

Kids with social thinking challenges must be taught explicitly the expectations for various situations. Kids who are working on learning the social thinking language have to work just as hard as someone who is learning a foreign language. They do not learn effectively by simple modeling. You have to spell it out!  When you do, you will see much less anxiety and upsetting behaviors. Your child WANTS to do the correct thing, but sometimes he or she simply does not know the social language.

For more information about using the terms "expected" and "unexpected", I encourage you to check out Michelle Garcia Winner's blog. She recently wrote an excellent article about this issue. You can find her blog at http://www.socialthinking.com/component/content/article/597-using-expected-unexpected-social-thinking-vocabulary?utm_source=Book+Awards%2C+Peters+Article%2C+Denver+free+ticket&utm_campaign=Newsletter&utm_medium=email

Please don't hesitate to email if you have questions!